Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Name Games
The Bandra Worli Sea Link a technological marvel for India was inaugurated, and it showcased to the world the engineering marvel and edge India has made, building a bridge across the sea. What angers is when we have political crooks called to inaugurate the bridge, and even worse when the bridge is named after a political joker’s late husband. He’s dead and gone and is history, why name a futuristic engineering achievement after a dead man. Could it not be just called Bandra Worli Sea Link, as that is what it would be anyways known as. Why can’t the politicians name public toilets, gutters and garbage dumps after late politicians, it would be so apt anyways, and the public would love to call them with those names only.
The common man is so stressed out anyways, he cares a hoot and neither can do much anyways on whom a place is named. The way places are named in India, I guess soon there would be no place left to be renamed or new bridges to be named and the next would be the common man whose names would be decided by politicians. There would be a new ministry for naming which would be the Ministry of Names. In future all naming ceremonies would be held at a Ministry of Names. So when a child is born you go to the Ministry and the Minister would decide what the child should be named. So if the Minister’s servant’s husband had died in the recent past, your son could be called Ramu.
The Ministry of Names would also be responsible for naming anything everything and anything. So if you get a pet at home, he too would have to be taken to MoN to get a name. So if your dog was taken for naming closer to the date when a politician had died, he would be called by that name. The owner would have loved to call his dog by names of all the politicians dead or alive, preferably alive. I made it simple for my dog. He is called Mantri (which means Minister). New animals introduced into zoos too would have to be named by MoN. So if an elephant is introduced to a zoo, she may be called Mayawati. Now this does not mean that Mayawati looks like an elephant, it is just respecting her party symbol. Naming monkeys would be the easiest.
All products that would be manufactured would have to be named by MoN. The minister of MoN can even decide to name it after religious Gods or Objects of worship. So the next model of Tata car could be called Tata Ghai (Ghai means cow, which is a sacred animal in India) which would also be symbolic as traffic anyways in India moves at the speed of cow. Similarly a new condom could be named after a Minster of Defense, as it defends you from STDs. so the next condom could be called Antony. Ad punch line for the condom will be “I do it with Antony, do you”. All light yellow colored drinks would be named after Morarji.
The MoN portfolio would also involve name blame. So if there is some mess that happened with the ruling party governing the country, the blame would have to be named on someone from the previous government. So anything that goes wrong from corruption, terrorism, riots, etc, you would not need any investigation agency as MoN would be able to name on who the blame should be.
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by, any other name would smell as sweet."So what’s in a name, it anyways stink.
Chicken Stock for the soul
Having got introduced to the stock market in the recent past few years, I found that if you cut off greed which I couldn’t; cut of speculation which I try to and mess up; cut of hot tips which I scavenge for and burn myself; then it is a decent area to make money in the long run. Buy small amounts and of good companies and avoid penny stocks which may leave you penniless. Buy for long term with a horizon of 10 to 20 years
Ever since I got married I ensured all investments were done with mutual consent and agreement of my wife, which most of the time were disagreements and end up as always with her having the final word. So money matters she calls the shot, and all my funny matters I do it without her knowing to avoid getting shot.
So every month when it is salary day, we split the money for various expenses, as household, emergency, entertainment, kids and pocket expenses. So leading a disciplined life did have a lot of advantages, leaving us with a small amount to invest. For my wife investment means only fixed deposits and nothing else. Besides that she does not want to know anything or venture into anything. Her policy was simple if the principle is not safe, hell with it.
My greed of being the next Warren Buffet was always dunked by her into the waste bucket, and the way she did it, got me wondering why she could not take up basket ball as a sport. One day I told her “Babes we need to invest in stock”. She thought I was gone crazy, and enquired why I am interfering in kitchen matters. That confused me further, till I realized she showed me a packet of Chicken Stock saying we have enough for the month. If I had to tell her that it was investing money elsewhere, I would be the chicken for the next meal.
Finally cajoling thru CA friends who were convincing unlike me, she gave in and we started our tryst with the stock market. What was surprising was her interest taken to understand how the machinery works, wonder has anyone understood it. So we started watching stock market news where she would focus on the news ticker and I on the pretty lady presenters. We ensured money put in ‘A’ category of companies listed. That speaks of our knowledge acquired we knew the A of stock market and doubt to graduate any further. So it was L&T the first investment, then Power Grid, and one day it came to investing in Reliance. Strangely it was an emphatic no for an answer from her.
I told her it is in the A category of listed companies and a small movement in Reliance can move the markets. She was adamant that she will not invest in Reliance. Trying to prove my intelligence (wonder if I had any), we got into the usual disagreements and I tried to explain about Dhirubhai and his journey from Aden to India to being one of the richest, blah, blah. After hearing me patiently she had one question if all that wealth couldn’t have him bring up kids who could be united what they will keep a company united. If the siblings are trying to prove who has a better and bigger charter plane and the most expensive house in the world, she was not interested in funding their luxuries. If today one sibling is running a utility company and ripping the common man with huge tariffs and shows that as profits made for share holders, she was not interested in that kind of money.
I was dumbstruck with her depth of reasoning. She her final question was who these siblings go to when they can’t sort out the differences. It is their mother. Then I understood her reasoning, she just wanted to be a good Mother to our kids and inculcate values than the greed I was pursuing. For her money meant one of the means not the only means for a survival.
Yes we still do occasionally invest in the stock market in small drops, and I enjoy stock best when it is a broth of chicken stock.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Infoshit
Now we will have another Identity card that would be dumped on the common man as a form of National Id Card, planned by the Government, an endeavor which would be headed by former Infosys co-chairman Nandan Nilekani. Wondering how many light years would it take for this to be implemented and how much money would be siphoned from this mega project planned.Some time back we had Narayana Murthy who was the planning commission Chairman for Bangalore International Airport Ltd., quitting as he was hurt by the coalition partner and former Prime Minister Mr H.D. Deve Gowda's recent remarks about lack of his contribution to BIAL. A man who can get hurt so easily what is he going to contribute to the country. Then he quits as IT advisor to Sri Lanka citing personal reasons. Some of the alleged personal reasons alleged was the ethnic cleansing of Tamils that happened in Sri-Lanka. Worse atrocities are being committed in India from time immemorial, but Infosys still does business in India. Where is all the humane thought at that time, which suddenly flows when people of Indian origin are killed on foreign soil?
So would Infosys being shutting shop in Australia because of atrocities being done on India students. Will Infosys be shutting shop in China because of the border dispute it has with India, and vast portion of India’s property which is anyways in Chinese control, and we have been thought of a wrong map and still teach our children a wrong map of India. When the fact is if one visualizes the north of India as human head with a crown on top, the crown is no longer there, with the West portion under Pakistan control as PoK, and the East portion under Chinese control. Will Infosys shut shop in Saudi Arabia where Indians or for that matter no one is allowed freedom of religious worship besides people who practice Islam.
So it is just money talks and bull shit walks, so if there was no business coming from BIAL to Infosys, you resign citing you are hurt by remarks of a former Prime Minister who was in power for only 11 months, of which most was spent sleeping at public functions. If there is no business from Sri Lanka you resign…………..but if there is money from National Id card, which is obvious a big chunk with go to Infosys, there is load of patriotism, and have another Infosys crony to head it.
Why a National Id Card now? What are the benefits? Don’t we have enough of Identification processes, from birth certificate, ration card, voter id card and passport. So instead of National Id card why not have a smart passport which is already in the process of implementation? Why this duplication of effort? Is not a passport no. an UID? Even after having a Voter Id card, can one vote easily? No, we have to instead remember the voter page no., etc. Why not improve what we have rather than re-invent the wheel, but I guess the wheel is going to be a huge money spinner for Infosys.
It seems our PM Dr. Manmohan Singh was impressed reading Nandan Nilekani’s book titled ‘Imagining India’ and thus have him head this biggest technological project ever embarked in India. Wish he would have read more of R.K. Laxman’s cartoon columns in Times of India, which would have him know the reality of India, than from someone who is just ‘Imagining India’. R.K. Laxman portrayed the reality of the common man’s suffering through satire, for over 50 years, and the Congress who ruled for most of the period of India’s independence could not see that, but sees sense in someone who would have spun a yarn in a book in 50 weeks. What a load of shit, pure Infoshit.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
We don’t really care about him
We Are The World, we are the people. We are the ones who make the world a better place to live in. Then when we groove to Blood On The Dance Floor. If a Dance Floor can be bloody, how hell we are going to make this Bloody World a better place to live in. We want to Burn This Disco Out, and in the process we burnt the world too.
They Don’t Care About Us, but who cares about anyone…anyways, when it is Money Money, lie for it, Spy for it, kill for it, die for it……..who cares. We are not just a Stranger In Moscow, but a stranger even at home.
The we feel we should Jam. Nation to Nation, all the world must come to together, face the problems that we see, then maybe somehow we can work it out. Work out what, when there is no bread on the table for many, we think of Jam. We intend to be Invincible, instead are invisible to all that is happening.
We sing to the earth a Earth Song, and question What about sunrise, What about rain, What about all the things, that you said we were to gain, when we need to start with The Man in Mirror to make a change. But when we look in the Mirror we say Beat It as no one wants to be defeated, we want to defeat everything, it doesn’t matter if you are wrong or right. We Scream to Heal The World, when we are Dangerous how could we heal.
Desire Billie Jean, as she was more like a beauty queen from a movies scene. Then when she has your kid, you say the kid is not my son, and then say Billie Jean is not my lover, when you have done with her. We don’t care about Bille Jean and try to worry of Little Susie, as somebody killed Little Susie.
We like to be BAD. So bad we don’t care of anyone, just ourselves and how we want to feel, and The Way You Make Me Feel. We just want to feel good and it does not matter even if it is with Dirty Diana, and tell her Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. With her you Get On The Floor, and when you are done, you guide her Off The Wall, and feel good She’s Out Of My Life. Then carry on looking for another Pretty Young Thing and find Someone In The Dark. You tell her Baby Be Mine tell the world The Girl is Mine, and then dump her and tell her Leave Me Alone and then say she was just Another Part of Me. All you wanted was a Thriller.
We don't care if he was black or white Black Or White. Neither would we now that he has moonwalked into HIStory.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Bull Shit
With Indians getting squatted like flies in Australia, there is the big hue and cry of security of Indians overseas. Most of these so called students, who go overseas for an education, are from affluent families of which again, most have very little and in most cases no respect for India, and are even remotely concerned about India or its growth. Does India not have quality education institutions? It has been proven that the best talent comes from Indian Institutions from where you have the global MNC biggies who come and buy them off. They then land in plush jobs and great positions overseas, and bitch about India, its infrastructure, how corrupt the system is, how dirty the cities are, how uncouth people are, and question why on earth did something India ever exist? So likewise in most cases are the students who cannot qualify for an education in India, buy an education overseas.
I have no qualms of Indians going overseas and making a living. I myself have spent more than a decade overseas. Does that mean I cared for India? No way, besides trying to wear Indian attire on Diwali and visit the Indian consulate on Independence Day and sing the national anthem and prove I am Indian. Feel proud that I send foreign exchange to India and support the economy when it is far away from truth. The fact is I have a family back home that needs to be provided. Now if that means India ends up getting foreign reserves it is no way proving I am contributing. It is like a bull that excretes and feels it is doing Mother Nature a favor by providing manure. If I don’t send money back home, my family suffers, and in most case it may not provide families back home with the lifestyle and arrogance that they need to carry to prove they have arrived.
So if you are in a foreign land for education or for employment you are not doing India a favor. If you get screwed there, don’t expect India to provide you security. In India, Indians don’t have security. We get bombed in local trains in which we travel like animals to make a living, but we don’t complain, we just carry on as no one cares. We have no security when our cities flood and many die. Our women have no security when they go to work at nights in BPO’s. North Indians get beaten real badly in Maharashtra as he is considered an outsider, but he quietly carries on. If a North Indian is an outsider in Maharashtra, then who the freaking hell are you NRI’s, Indians studying overseas, or Indian’s working abroad, cribbing about your security in a foreign land?
You talk of racial discrimination, back home we are discriminated on lines of religion, where Hindus want to prove that there was a temple where Babri Masjid stands and kill each other. Christians and Christian priests and nuns get killed and brutally beaten in Orrisa on grounds that they are converted by Christian missionaries. We get discriminated on lines of language, where if I cannot speak Marathi then I am not a Maharastrian, or for that matter every language that a state considers as its state language. Then we face discrimination on lines of caste, where one from the lower caste or class is given privilege for jobs. I can understand privilege for education but for jobs? So if you are not qualified and belong to backward caste you get a job under that discriminatory category, in the process you get poor service in the government as most get absorbed there, but we can’t complain.
My salutations and deep respect goes out to all Indians who come back after their overseas education and contribute towards India in nation building, kudos to Indians who refuse jobs from overseas companies after their IIMs or IITs, and take up entrepreneurship for creating employment. Hats off to the many Indians who after having made a decent lifestyle and feels have more than enough to survive well, come back to India to contribute in rural areas, where there are cases of Doctors who come back from overseas to serve in the villages, engineers who come back to contribute to India’s development. My highest honor to companies like Tata’s who build products that compete globally and acquire companies globally to prove the strength and spirit of India. They were thrown out of Bengal after huge investments done to build the world’s cheapest car, did they break or give up; NO, they carried on and proved they could survive. What security was there for them? What security was there for them when a landmark of India like the Taj Hotel went up flames with terrorist attacks?
So if a company like Tata does not have security in India what security are you asking my Indian brethren who are overseas? If you feel you are doing India a favor by you going overseas to get educated or get employed, you are just like the bull mentioned earlier, and we don’t want to hear your Bull Shit.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Screw Indians
Indians are getting screwed literally, as the recent victim of hate crime in Australia was stabbed with a screw driver. After 911 we had cases in US where Sardars were killed as their head gear resembled that of the dude Osama Bin Laden, so even our identity is screwed overseas.
Atrocities against Indians are nothing new. For over a century we had the British that ruled Indians, I mean ruined Indians, errr I mean screwed Indians. After that we are so used to getting screwed that we now do it amongst ourselves. I am not referring to the reason for us being the most populated race on planet earth, but we screwing each other on grounds of race, religion, state and we can be innovative to find any reason to screw ourselves. The latest being a certain Guru getting murdered in Austria, and the followers melee out here in India by destroying public property, burning trains, and literally screw up a state to the levels of a curfew being called by the authorities.
Then we have our political parties and politicians who have screwed us ever since we got Independence. We had a Shiv Sena in the 70’s that came with ‘lungi hatao’, (lungi means sarong, a cloth just wrapped round the waist mainly worn by South Indians) a hate violence against South Indians living in Bombay. There were riots and in the process there were Maharastrians who got hurt too, and when admitted in hospitals the staff nurses who were mainly South Indians ensured many got killed without proper medical attention. Wonder why they termed the agitation it as ‘lungi hatao’, as neither did the South Indians stop wearing lungi after that, and neither did they leave Bombay and instead only prospered. The latest was against North Indians mainly Biharis who are called ‘Bhaiya’. They obviously could not call this agitation ‘Bhaiya Hatao’ as Bhaiya also means brother, and that would mean throw your brother out…….and they ended up doing just that, where we have a split of the Shiv Sena party, with a new party formed and both screwing each other. This has now made the North Indians stronger in Bombay, and it is a ‘Bhaiya’ who was ex-Shiv Sena and now in the Congress, who has won the election in a constituency of Bombay. Now we have Shiv Sena and MNS trading accuses and allegation that the other was responsible for splitting the Maharastrian vote and thus the Congress won, when in fact both parties are not responsible for the spilt in Mahrastrian vote, but only responsible in screwing Mahrastrians and Maharashtra.
Same story with Kerala, ironically supposed to be the only state in India to achieve 100% literacy and ensured getting screwed 100% over the years. A state which has the highest female sex ratio (1058 women for 1000 men, according to the 2001 census), and the women are really a screwed lot with dowry deaths, and most of them resorting to become Nuns as a good amount of population in Kerala are Christians. So it is not God calling that most women join the vocation of religious, but many a times families cannot afford to pay dowry demanded by the groom and his family. So instead of facing humiliation they join the religious order, and there again you hear of atrocities against Nuns with the recent being a murder of a Nun, and that being one of the longest trials in the Indian judiciary. So you get screwed and even killed even if you serve God in India, and the judiciary ensures you are screwed more with justice delayed. Kerala also happens to be the few states with the best in natural resources but political agitation has screwed the state to such levels that many Keralites today have to go out of the State for employment.
Then we screw each other on the basis of ‘my God is better than yours’, and you have the Hindu Muslim riots, the atrocities against Christians in Orissa. In Kerala it was one Christian sect against another, then Sikhs against Sikhs, that it has reached a stage even God can’t help.
Then you have the nouveau rich who have made it overseas and then want to settle there and get screwed and complain about atrocities against Indians. When the fact is we are the only race who wants to not only migrate to a new country but also want to migrate with our values and culture of dress, religion, food habits, etc, and go to the extent of demanding it as right. When we are in India we fantasize the West, and when we land there we criticize their culture. If in India our kids get spoilt we blame the West, and once we land in the West our kids get spoilt we blame the lack of Indian culture there, even our thoughts are so screwed up.
We never would want to integrate with the host country that welcomed us, but would like to remain within our clique of so called community, which again is fragmented as within the Indian community where we would want to want to be amongst Malayalees if one is from Kerala, amongst Punjabis if one is a Punjabi and it goes on to further divisions of religion, caste and creed. No country in the world ever wanted Indians to migrate to their country, but it is always the other way around. They may need Indian labor or individual intellectual property, but that does mean we go and make demands on their property.
Ram Gopal Verma one of India’s film director in his latest yet to be released film “Rann” goes to the extent of screwing up the Indian National Anthem, so we now have our own not just screwing Indians but screwing India.
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