Dedications

Censor Board in India has cut off its brains in the process of censoring movies and cutting scenes that are immodest, violent or vulgar. A spoof made on Osama Bin Laden had to bear the brunt of the Censor Board scissor because of a word ‘pencho’ which sounds like a foul word in Hindi language. Mind you it only sounds like it and it is not the real word which is ‘Bhenchod’ and that’s the real word the Censor Board should be titled with, as if you want to censor a spoof on Osama Bin Laden, because something sounds like foul language, then Obama sounds like Osama………well on second thoughts what’s the difference both are screwing the world anyways.

I thought Tiger Woods was history and histrionics, and now comes the latest news that he paid three million secretly to cover up a love child. Now did he pay three million to hide the story of the baby or did he pay three to get into the act of making a baby? Both ways he is screwed.

Oil spill in US is spilling over news media in such way that it is getting slippery and messy. News earlier was bloody and now it is oily. However it is always the US of A that is the cause of both globally. So it is no great news to know of a country that was screwing the world getting screwed by itself for a change.

A news article read ‘Cops sleeping over 10 unclaimed corpses in two weeks’. For a moment I was wondering how one could sleep over dead bodies, only to read the news further that cops did nothing about corpses piling up of unclaimed and unidentified people in Noida near Delhi. Come to think of it, cops in India who can rape can screw a dead body also.

Mumbai city will soon boast of the tallest residential tower in the world. A city starved on basic infrastructure where a commute of 40 kms is about two hours and if it is peak time you travel worse than garbage being transported, and if you are the affluent minority that drives cars or uses taxis, you are anyways crawling as someone walking would speed faster than you. So imagine living in the world’s tallest residential tower where you can zip vertically in seconds to the topmost floor which is nearly half a kilometer, and step out to get screwed in traffic.

Bal Thackeray has done it again. First it was naming everything after a late leader and king Shivaji, which was confusing as we have two Airports in Mumbai both named after Shivaji, so which Shivaji one would have to take from would have confused even Shivaji. From naming places to roads he graduated to derogatory name calling his political detractors or defectors and now has gone to call his own nephew names as he defected from his party and formed own political party. So from screwing the city, to screwing his opponents, he is now screwing his own.

When everyone reminisces the thoughts of their youthful love lives it must be nostalgic to remember the seeking attention, initial conversations, the butterflies in the stomach feeling, the heart pounding when the phone rang, the lies to cover the story at home, the code words used to convey when to meet and where to meet, the small fights, the making up after that, first holding of hands, the kiss, well I don’t need to explain further as I didn’t know anything further than that. Now if you don’t trust me on that, I don’t blame you, as no one did and neither do I.

What was confusing for me was the terminology ‘falling in love’, and always wondered why was it a fall. Is not any fall a painful affair? Then I realized a love affair is always painful, and imagine falling head over heels. Such a pain seeing your friends with girls and you work towards getting a pain I mean a girlfriend. Then came the maintenance part, as in my days you needed to have a bike to have a girl, which was confusing as I did not know if the girl needed the bike or the guy. However scrapped my butt and got a second hand scooter (luckily there is nothing called fifth hand as mine was), that hurt my butt further as the seat that had seated so many butts before me, and was in such a bad condition that it was a perennial pain in the butt to ride it. So imagine the maintenance of having a girlfriend as you need to take her out to the movies, buy her peanuts, as I could afford only that, and top of that maintain my scooter. However maintaining my scooter was easier and cheaper and it stayed longer with me that my girlfriends.

As I graduated in life, as that was only part I could graduate as I did not need to work on it like my academic graduation. Now how I did my academic graduation is a different story. So in the process of life going by, love life took tones of being mature, responsible, etc, etc. So now from looking good which I was bad at, you needed to be in a good job, and mine was even more bad as most of the money used to go in smoke literally as you needed to smoke to look cool, and I was further confused how could burning lungs and burning a hole in my pocket be cool. Then came heart breaks and wondered why it was called a heart break as I never found anything broke besides me being financially broke.

Handling break ups was such a mental mind game, as after the breakup it was attempts to patch up, which was a bigger pain, and trying to act as if nothing effected you, when in reality you behave as if you have been effected by such misery and the world is going to end, and you trying to get back with your partner is not ending, and in the end she used to find someone better. All my attempts to fall in love were futile as I was always falling out of it, and both ways it was a pain.