Tuesday, July 14, 2009

 

Fanatics


I was never an eccentric fan of celebrities. Yes I have enjoyed watching Amitabh movies and mouthing his dialogues; trying to moon walk and once screamed ‘Aoooooo’ which was not trying to imitate his signature scream but screamed in pain as I sprained my leg and could not walk for days after that; collecting Bruce Lee pictures and try to imitate his stunts and hurt my head with a nanchak. Till today I have Bruce Lee posters, which my wife would never allow me to display on the walls. She does not display any picture besides religious as it seems it would spoil the look of the wall. Never had the courage to ask whether a picture on the wall would spoil the wall, or me in the picture.

My house is situated in a building that has a recording studio, so have seen most of the celebrities. So whenever I hear a shriek or scream in my house I no longer try to get armed thinking it is an intruder, as I know it must be some celebrity who has come for a recording as they can be easily seen from my window. Somehow I never really understood what is that goes in the mind of fans when they see celebrities for real. Same goes with my wife and kids. My wife’s mind I have anyways never understood, as it is too complicated for my small mind to understand, but kids would be kids so their excitement when they see a celebrity is obvious. I remember when Sanjay Dutt had come and my daughter who was five years old refused to believe he was Sanjay Dutt as she was adamant to educate me his name was Munnabhai. Another time was with my son down the building and happened to see Boman Irani, and my son excitedly screamed “Papa see Mammu”. I was happy to know my son was graduating with his Hindi as he addressed everyone as Uncle, only to realize it was Mammu from Munnabhai. Then was when Arshad Warsi came, the way screams in the house shrieked ‘Circuit’, I thought there was short circuit in the electricity.

Once a friend came to stay with us and I was shocked to see the way he ran out of the house with his pajamas and I thought something must have gone wrong and ran after him to know what the problem was? Only to realize that Amitabh was down the building and he zoomed out of the house to zoom his camera to click a picture of his. Here was I ensuring him the best in hospitality of a home and good food and till today he has never clicked a picture of mine. A friend from US was the ultimate, who ran out of the house as if a marathon had flagged off from my house, to click a picture of a lady celebrity and to his bad luck she had gone inside the studio, and this guy clicks a picture of the door of the studio. Wonder what he would be explaining to his friends back in US with a picture of a door…………well if Bal Thackrey could flaunt that MJ had used his loo, I guess this guy could flaunt the picture of a door, and maybe claim that he was with her behind the closed door.

One day my son managed to strike a conversation with Saif from our window, who called him down to click a picture with him. His excitement was so high and the way he pulled me down the building with my camera, I thought an alien had landed and was about to take off in his flying saucer, till I saw Saif. I got all set with my camera to shoot a picture only to realize my camera did not have batteries. The way my son reacted in sadness was as if it was not the camera not having batteries, but I having no brain.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

 

Lights, Camera….Action


Shahrukh Khan would now get the title of Dr. and is to be presented an honorary doctorate in arts and culture by Britain's Bedfordshire University at a ceremony in London for his contributions to culture. Shahrukh Khan and culture? I guess it is culture when one goes about crooning “Apun bola thu meri laila”. Builds a palatial house and the work done disturbs a religious institution which houses elderly priests in the neighborhood, that is culture. If that title was given to someone like a Manoj Kumar is understandable for his contribution to movies trying to create an awareness of nation building. Even someone like him gets mocked in the movie ‘Om Shanti Om’, which was made by Shahrukh Khan. When one can’t respect a senior colleague in one’s own industry, what culture are we talking about? Guess the film industry is anyways a sick place and it needed a Dr.

Amitabh Bachhan gets a pain in the stomach and that is news, and news that gets carried for a couple of days, as if he is a part of my anatomy, and I need to be updated about the progress. Though in a way the way the pain does effect me in a part of my anatomy, that is my rear. Celebrities always were a pain in my rear, when they try to branch out of the arena of movies and claim to make the world a better place. Michael Jackson tried to do it and he could not even have a better life or even a better death.

Salman Khan has a foundation named ‘Being Human’, which is supposed to be doing philontraphic activities for the underprivileged and marginalized of society. When the basic foundation of Salman Khan as a human being is questionable, wonder what he can offer as a foundation to anyone. Kill people with rash driving, kill endangered species of animals. When any form of life cannot be respected how can anyone even try being human.

Celina Jaitley scavenges for publicity by advocating Gay Rights. In a country where no one has any basic rights, you have a failed actress from the cine industry trying to create awareness of the rights of gays. Sanjay Dutt won 10 lakhs rupees which he has donated to his wife Manyata’s NGO ‘Damage’, working for the under privileged and disabled children. After all the damage done to his career with drugs, tried under TADA act, charged for possession of weapons, fails with his attempt in politics, now goes and contributes to more ‘Damage’. Celebrities either contribute to stay in news to build their sagging careers or try to use it as a cover up or clean shady and criminal lifestyles.

The latest is Mohanlal, a Malayalam cine star, joining the Indian Army. He gets felicitated by the Chief of the Army Staff and is conferred the title of Honorary Lieutenant Colonel. How much more can an Institution of the Army gets lowered and insulted too. What can a cine star do for the army? How many in the army have ever got felicitated by the Chief of Army Staff and given so much attention and publicity. A bridge in Bombay can named after Rajiv Gandhi, couldn’t it be named after Capt. Nair who gave his life during the terror attack in Bombay. Would that not motivate more youngsters to join the army than a Mohanlal doing a gimmickry and mockery of a respected and noble Institution?

Imagine Mohanlal in a war zone, and the commander gives the order “Fire”, the Charlie would not know what to do, as he would be waiting to hear “Lights, Camera….Action”. I wish I could tell all these jokers “Cut it and Pack up”.


 

Patronise India



The recent sacrilege of Burger King showing a picture of Goddess Laxmi on a Meat Burger is outright insult to India and Indians. The west has been regularly trying to belittle India by depicting Indian Gods on footwear and even undergarments, or the recent incident in Geneva of an Indian family touring Geneva seeing a statue of Lord Buddha used to hang and display shoes.

India as usual will whimper a whispering hue and cry, and that adds to the publicity which some MNC’s look for. They need to create a sensation and the brand gets noticed and even negative publicity is publicity. Nothing is sacred anymore, anything and everything can be used as long as it makes money. Companies can sell their souls for profits. The words integrity, ethics, respect or for that matter simple honesty is not a part of business anymore. It is just empty hollow words on a web site or presentation material of the company. When companies don’t respect or can’t even protect or take care of their employees, what are they going to care of clients and consumers?

The stupid part is how some political parties or religious groups back in India would react to some company or institution in the west insulting Indian Gods or culture by trying to instigate and take mileage out of it with vandalism and destroying public property. We had one incident in Mangalore where a mob rampage a pub and beat up couples enjoying a drink, saying it is against Indian culture. What culture are we talking about when gay sex is legalized? Prophet Mohammed’s cartoons appear in some Danish newspaper, and we agitate here in India.

Why can’t we not agitate and hit back intelligently. Hit back where it hurts real hard and bad. The answer is patronizing Indian products. Just imagine the effect and impact if a huge percentage of Indians stop buying Coca-Cola or a Pepsi. One cannot ban or throw International brands out of India, but none of them can shove their produce down our throat. Imagine only Amir and Shahrukh left patronizing them as they are brand ambassadors for them. Unfortunately Indian celebrities too, pride in endorsing International brands. Once I remembering seeing a programme of pseudo Industrialists discussing how to promote ‘Brand India’ and one of them drives in Maybach.

Today the whole world wants to be in India, as we are the biggest consumer base waiting to be tapped. Unfortunately we Indians we are so stuck up and have a fetish to display and consume International Brands, these companies thrive, and get away even insulting our culture and religions. The faults also lie with Indian products / produce that compromise on quality and thus not able to make a world mark. I can’t think of any one Indian brand that is there on an International level.

I sometimes wonder how the world especially US successfully denies or delays Indian products / produce under the pretext it does not match their quality standards. A Tata Nano is denied entry into US till it does not match their standards. My question is a sub standard Nano being sold in India? I am not able to understand why a Coke in India taste different than one sold in UK, why the Burger taste different here than from the one in Middle East. Why is the standard and quality of taste not the same in India? Why is quality and standards only an issue with Indian products being sold internationally?

I make a conscious attempt (though I fail many times) to avoid International brands / produce. I try to preach at home and my kids listen to me patiently and attentively sipping their coke. I try to steer my kids away from MacDonald’s but they have me take them to MacDonald’s, and the clown mascot of Mac looks at me with his wicked smile.


 

Its raining hell………Alleluia


Another monsoon, another year of false promises by the civic authorizes, and Bombay is as always sinking and stinking. Our apathy and ‘chaltha hai’ attitude is the price we are paying today. When frankly it is not chaltha hai but sab ‘Martha hai’. A famous Amitabh Bachhan movie dialogue said, “Mauth key saath kiskey rishtey dhari, aaj humarey tho kal thumarey bhari’. So others are suffering or dying and not me (yet), so why bother. Not realizing today it is someone tomorrow it could be you or a near and dear one. We have become so numb that even if we suffer, we suffer silently and take comfort by terming it as the ‘Resilient Spirit of Bombay’, when it is a ‘Silent Spirit of Bombay’. We see no evil, hear no evil and say evil, and silently endure the evils of our politicians and civic authorities.

After 26th July 2005, or glamorize the date as the Americans do as 0726. Americans can confuse anything. When they say 911, sometimes I get confused whether they mean Sept 11th or November 9th. The event being the goriest in the history of terrorism, it’s a date we all know. So confusing or glamorize the date, after 26th July 2005, our civic administration now has a new terminology for the mess, which is global warming. The truth it is ‘rear warming’, as all that these jokers are warm their rear in the civic offices, and warm their pockets with bribes and corrupt practices.

For years the same pockets are flooded. I don’t mean the pockets of the politicians and corrupt babus as that is flooded with bribe and dirty money round the year. I am talking of the same places in Bombay that flood every year, trains run late, traffic slows down to snail pace, and we have been made an ass that Bombay will be made Shanghai. Make it a proper city from the shitty mess we are living in for decades, or since politicians have nothing better to do than name cities, like from Bombay to Mumbai, so we can now call Bombay city as Mumbai shitty, as that’s how the colloquial way of speech anyways would sound, like “Bedu apunka shitty hai na, ek dum solids hai”. Just that from solid it is sinking in liquid now, “ek dum liquids yaar”.

Instead of growing the city vertically which was a stupid move they should have grown the city horizontally. I still wonder how the BWSL Bridge is going to solve any problems besides the rich and elite who can travel faster to Nariman Point, or the corrupt politicians who can now travel from the airport to Mantralaya offices faster. The truth is that there would be lesser people travelling on the BWSL than the traffic of what just one train of peak travel traffic would carry. So the common man can travel like animals and feel good that Bombay has a bridge when many who travel on these trains will never use the bridge in their lifetime, or maximum visit it as a tourist attraction. A smaller stretch from Bhayendar to Naigaon if bridged for road traffic would have had millions of commuters living in the far suburbs an alternative mode of transport.

Now we could look at another alternative mode of transport in the mean time i.e. water transport. As with the way the city is flooding every year, we can seriously consider having boats ferrying people around. So when there are no rains we suffer, and when it rains we sink. When there are no rains we pray for rains, now it’s raining hell and we are living in it.

Friday, July 03, 2009

 

Gay Gay Gay Re…..


………….Gay Re Saiba, Pyar mein Sauda nahi, was the lyrics of the popular movie ‘Bobby’, in the 70’s. Today the lyrics would mean something else in legalized ‘Gay India’. So much news print and prime time spent on the recent decision that it looked like India had no other issues besides covering Gays.


I am not for or against the judgment, as if someone feels good doing his or her own gender, so be it. It is accepted and proven that it is a biological screw up in a person, where he or she gets oriented towards his or her sex. In a nutshell the person is sick. So it is just giving a sick person a chance to enjoy and live his or her sickness. The judgment states that sex between two consenting adults is not a crime. The terminology consenting can be misconstrued as today many rape cases get closed as it gets proven it was with consent. We have a current case of Shiny Ahuja who raped his maid and all efforts are geared to prove it was with consent, to the extent his wife even claiming that even a female can rape.


A colonial-era law of 1861 declared homosexuality as a criminal act. The British who colonized India decided the law and was screwing India for over a century, and we now wake up and realize that anyone can screw anyone. The anti gay law often had been used to steadily persecute, blackmail, arrest and scare sexual minorities in India. For that matter all our laws are used to scare and harass the people of India, so why so much concern about consenting adults screwing each other. In a country when many are getting killed when they marry outside the community, here we are trying to protect and legalise a sick community’s sexual preferences.

Then we have the religious, another bunch of sick people who are coming down and protesting against this judgment. If the law feels its ok for people to decide who they want to do, why the religious can’t stay confine to their religious places and keep preaching. Anyways no one cares to what they preach, as what happens in their religious institutions is public knowledge. We have cases of sadhus doing the sadhvis, priests doing boys, nuns doing nuns, young girls married off to Arabs, etc. If the religious are really concerned how come they don’t come strongly on criminals where in one religion it says chop of hands that rob, stone to death one commits adultery, etc. So you make a noise where it suits your publicity. You have a religion where divorce is a sin, and you have many living in hell of failed marriages. Another allows you to marry multiple times, and you have celebrities who switch religion to cater their lust. Wish they even circumcise as per the religion.


The point is the legal system in India that takes decades to decide on cases, and sometimes petty ones, has all the time in the world to decide who can screw whom. Charles Dickens rightly said the law is an ass, today it is proven as what comes out of it; is shit.

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